New Study Finds Sleeping on Floor Uncomfortable

(MADISON) — Results from a recent scientific study demonstrate a correlation between sleeping on the floor and assorted transient aches and pains, reports one scientist from Madison, WI. After an extensive one-night study and detailed introspection the following morning, it was determined that sleeping on the floor overnight was directly correlated with the experience of miscellaneous aches and pains, e.g., a “throbbing sensation” in the region of the right patella.

McCambridge, the lead scientist in the study, suggests that perhaps the awkward positioning of limbs while sleeping on a rigid surface is partly to blame for the observed effects. “It felt like I had slept with my leg twisted around weird,” the primary subject of the experiment reports.

The study was originally intended to determine if sleeping on the floor was an effective means of avoiding the excess heat trapped in a room with an unopenable window and an Intel Prescott processor. Results for this original phase of the study are inconclusive, however, as the subject fell asleep too quickly to make the requisite objective observations. McCambridge suggests that in the future, the study be repeated at a more reasonable hour, as the subject reported feeling “drowsy” at 0200 when the experiment began.

Further research into methods of avoiding undesired thermal characteristics of the Prescott series of processors are planned for the future.